Adam’s Eve: a holiday falling on the morrow we never seem to celebrate, perhaps because of its strange oddities! (Or perhaps, possibly, because it is only found in a yet unpublished book…) Well, you are in luck today, for we present the background and timeline of Ye Right Merrye Adam’s Eve! Have ye right merrye fun with apples today and tomorrow, else the bushyman come to steal your baubles!
(The following excerpt is taken from the upcoming Juvament! story.)
This odd Beorcholt Holiday was invented by a chronically dispirited monk at Birchwood Abbey (Hamswin the Sad), whose entire job was to copy the third chapter of the book of Genesis again and again. (Be careful, oh scholars, what you specialize in!) His idea was to form a holiday around a certain apple and snake which played a prominent role in the introduction of death and misery into the world, and God’s subsequent promise of deliverance… The holiday’s observance seems to have been limited to Birchburgateton and surrounding suburbs and was celebrated on the second Saturday of every Novembryant (or “the waning of the third moon, when the apple blossoms fall off, and the thrush flies over the spire of St. Swithbert”). Citizens celebrated with such vim it hardly mattered the rest of Beorcholt did not observe it. It generally involved apples… Lots and lots of apples, which trade hands, along with random baubles, with astonishing rapidity in the day before the holiday (called “Snakymas Day”). The goal of Snakymas Day is to push apples on your neighbor. On Adam’s Eve, the bushyman comes to search for apples. If he finds any in your house, he takes away all the baubles you got by visiting houses on Snaky Day. It’s all very confusing. Adam’s Day is the day after Adam’s Eve. Everyone lies around and moans about their stomachaches, then they go out and shop for all the on-sale baubles and apple leftover from Adam’s Eve.
YE RIGHT MERRYE Adam’s Eve Celebrations
AS KEPT OF OLDE in the ANCIENT City of
Greater South Birchburgateton Ludgate on Shribe’s North Bend
Ye Seconde Friday of Novembryant—Snakeymas Day
Sunrise—Bauble wrapping and steaming of Snakeymas Pheasant.
11:04 am—Erecting ye traditional Tower of Bricks and decorations.
11:17 am—Happy children begin doffing disguises of manye sortes.
12:07 pm—Ye merry familye holds traditional tarantella dance around Tower of Bricks.
2:01 pm—Ye Mother cooketh apple dishes (of such varietye as pies, tarts, soups, etc) with manye an oath and much stressing.
3:15 pm—Building of the traditional Hande Catapults to be used on Adam’s Eventide for yon flinginge of apples.
5:14 pm—Yon familye merrily doth traipse about the street and beg their neybors for baubles with threats and cajoling.
12:04 am—Ye father and ye facetious children take them all the apples in the house and hide them in the house of their neybors, and that right sneakily.
Ye Seconde Saturday of Novembryant—Adam’s Eve
Sunrise—Ye neybors awake to finde piles of apples in their livinge room, and are much dismayed.
5:04 am—Ye neybors take said apples and pile them back into merry familye’s livinge room, and that right sneakily.
6:07 am—Ye merry familye be dismayed to find apples upon them, and right sneakily hie to throw said apples into ye neybor’s chimney.
8:17 am—Ye bosses of the citye become angry to remember they have been forced to give everyone the daye off.
10:19 am—Traditional singing of Adam’s Eve Carols to Lord Mayor upon river barges
Noon o’clock—Ye traditional Feast! Wherein ye stressed mother findeth she hath burnt tarts and complains the smoked pheasant be undercooked, but everyone else is right merrye.
3:06 pm—Ye traditional Adam’s Eventide booke exchange at City Library—when there are no sieges. During which ye neybors do right sneakily return piles of apples to the livinge room of ye happy familye.
4:08 pm—Ye seconde feasting, where leftovers are consumed.
5:09 pm—Ye traditional dancing about Adam’s Eventide Maypole.
6:15 pm—Adam’s Eventide! Wherein there is great turmoil. The bushyman cometh who, if he finde any apples or leftover apple tarts or pies doth steal away the baubles, and that while doing a sillye dance. But, if said apples be not in the merrye home when he searcheth therein (and dictateth to the official scribe), the baubles are left. Thus are apples and all that containe them generally flung from the home as he cometh, and it were so much better if they hit him on the pate.
8:19 pm—Said children are sent sad and bauble-less to bed, and resolve next year to eat all the apples.
Look for Juvament! in Dec 2017… A tale of humor, fantasy, and…pigs? Also a baby. And a hairy man. And who knows what else? Read it and find out!